This summer I did perhaps the most radical and terrifying thing I’ve done in a long time: I gave myself space. I did less—much less than I’ve been used to doing. I let my feelings and desires dictate my actions. If I didn’t like the way something felt, I didn’t do it. If it brought me joy, I did more of it. I was strict about this too, being careful to establish boundaries in areas where I’d allowed myself to become boundary-less, resisting the temptation to do more just to maintain the status quo. Then I let myself explore the world not from the perspective of a professor or writer or even a bruja, but as the Page of Cups in the tarot.
I let go of expectations of what this second pandemic summer should look like or how my life should be unfolding. Instead, I relearned what it means to look at the world with unblemished wonder and excitement, like the Page of Cups peering into a goblet only to find a little fish—the symbol of soul and inspiration. As the Page of Cups explores her world, she reconnects to self, to soul, to a more creative and regenerative way of being simply by tapping into her innate joyful curiosity about the world around her. I call this exploratory feeling Divine Receptivity or the art of opening yourself to the wonders of the universe.
To be clear, that’s not the same thing as being open to everything—boundaries are important! This is especially true if you’re always in the habit of trying to feel safe, struggling to maintain healthy boundaries or both. I mean, I’m one of the few BIPOC faculty at two higher learning institutions and am only now coming to terms with the fact that so much of my energy goes into guarding against all manner of things designed to make me feel less-than or that exploit my labor. And it’s important to establish those boundaries early and often so that I can have a better work-life balance. But I’m also learning that I've extended that same guarded energy into my day-in, day-out life outside of higher ed, which isn’t all that healthy.
Openness is something I’ve had to relearn. Divine Receptivity is about realizing that you can be receptive to enjoyable things that are just for you and for no other purpose than that they are pleasurable. You don’t have to share them on social media or, terrible as this sounds, include others if it doesn’t bring you joy. I’ve realized, especially in this past year, that I’ve done a lot in my professional life to make others feel comfortable, but that, perhaps, it is not always my job to put people at ease or overextend myself to avoid conflict, particularly when that only enables systemic inequality.
What about my needs? My wellness? My desire to be a human being outside of my career, much as I enjoy both teaching and writing? Enter Divine Receptivity in which I allow myself the space and freedom to let go of burdens that are not mine to carry and open my energy to the soft, sweet possibilities of life. I’ve relearned the fact that I don’t have to be a task-oriented worker-bee all the time. I’m allowed to flow, I’m allowed to do less, I’m allowed to be open to experiences and things I haven’t been quite able to imagine yet. I’m allowed to create space for new possibilities and time to simply let my mind wander.
Strangely, I’ve found that it’s a lot of work relearning how to do this. I’ve had to work through the guilt that can crop up when I’m enjoying myself—surely I should be working! Or the unexpected emotions that surface as I clear through blockages. Divine Receptivity is, in part, about allowing ourselves to safely feel what we need to feel, knowing that the universe is watching over us. Synchronous happenings and signs will guide us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and a more joyous approach to everyday life.
So when I start feeling like should get back on that dizzying merry-go-round of fast living, I take a deep breath, let those thoughts settle, and think about the quiet wonders I’ve been able to enjoy this summer, wonders I haven’t always created space for in the past. Like last night, I sat on my patio and watched the sun set. It stained the Sandia mountains a lusty orange and the clouds behind it a blushing pink. My familiar sat in my lap. We soaked in the soft hush of the evening and let the desert air wash over us.
This morning, I watched the birds—finches, doves, sparrows, swallows—flit and swoop and flirt their way through their breakfasts as I weeded my garden. I let the gentle music of growing things soften my heart and soothe my soul. In that moment, I was whole.
For the first time in a long time, I’m relearning what truly makes me happy, thanks to Divine Receptivity. What new ways of being will you open yourself up to?
Enchantment Learning & Living is an inspirational collection of musings touching on life’s simple pleasures, everyday enchantments, and delectable recipes that will guarantee to stir the kitchen witch in you. If you enjoyed what you just read and believe that true magic is the everyday, subscribe here.
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